I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
