don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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