IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
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You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
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It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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