he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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