literally had 100 drinks last night.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
