I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
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He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
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I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Can you bring me the toilet please
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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