Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
