I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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