I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
