I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
