A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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