Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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