I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
