i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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