WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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