OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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