It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
What a dumb baby whore.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
