I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
are you so shy because you have an std?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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