I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
