You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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