I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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