Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
it was like eating out sand paper
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
What drink are we having for lunch?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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