I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
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Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
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All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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