Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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