I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
