Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
