Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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