you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
