she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
