Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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