she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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