They should really pass out barf bags in church
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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