i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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