I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You left your underwear on the fireplace
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
