i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
is that a dick in a sweater?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
