and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
well you can't waste a boner
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We are two peas in an std pod
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
