i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
