Non-Jews are for practice
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
