Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
