Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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