Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
