Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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