I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
