My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
