Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
she looked like the before picture.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
