Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
