Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
