yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
