i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
