i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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