I want to stick my p in your. b.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
