Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
