Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
