Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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