You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
we're so committed to being not committed
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