dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
