Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
