if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
