Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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