I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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