I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
