Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
