I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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