Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
