how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
