i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
