I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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