We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
