took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
