You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
third nipple confirmed
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
