i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
