It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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