Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
